Final Year: All Change

It's been three and a half years since I started university, and a lot has changed - these are the bits that are most interesting to write about.

The rest is just waffle about how I've grown as a person. 

Walking to uni everyday

To anyone who has never been to Bath, you'll just have to take my word for it when I say this is a big step. For the two years I lived here I was pretty sure walking up the hill just wasn't possible. I knew people did it, but I was pretty sure those people were professional hill-walkers. People whose level of fitness so exceeded mine that if I attempted to walk up the hill I would, in fact, be found days later by a police search party, about halfway up Widcombe hill, collapsed from over-exertion. They would sigh and say things like: 'I wish these students didn't think they could just walk up the hill, on a whim, without proper preparation'. It takes me about half an hour to do and its great exercise, although the soon-to-be icy ground coupled with my tendency to hit the ground might mean I have to take a seasonal break over the winter. 

Dying my hair (again)

 I said I'd never do it again in second year and I lied. Despite the traumatic experience of trying to dye the ends of my hair only for the colour not to make it past the first wash, it's actually been a very positive experience and I'm thoroughly enjoying having slightly lighter ends of hair. 

Being a feminist

 I know that I believe in choice on every front, but I really want to understand what feminism means to me, and I'm still learning and forming my opinions every single day. So I just read everything I see and take it all in, and I decide what I feel comfortable with and what I don't and why. So I challenge myself as well as everything around me, and whilst that can be pretty frustrating it's also given me a new lease of life when it comes to my degree subject. I want to take in all of the information and challenge it and talk about it and think about it differently and it's great. What I don't want to do and is significantly less great is write 13,000 words by the end of January. Which leads me on to...

Becoming a resident passive-aggressive in the library

If you'd have told me 3 months ago that I would be intentionally setting up seats for people that don't exist in order to avoid other people sitting at a table with me in the library, I would have been horrified. Now things are different, now I would probably rather pull out my own eyes than sit with a stranger for an entire day whilst I'm trying to read/write. Now everyone else can fuck off. 
Also, some people really need to Google before they speak; I am regularly offended on behalf of all of those books by the absolute lack of brain.

Working in the library all day

Whilst apparently terrible for my social skills, this has been fantastic for my work ethic. I didn't know I could work all day, I didn't think I had the capacity to do my subject for anything more than the 4-hour lecture block allocated to me on a Monday morning. Turns out I can read and write all day long, albeit with a slight abandonment of social niceties. 

Being nicer to myself
So not constantly comparing myself to other people, especially people I don't know, because that's not only unhealthy but also a really weird thing to do. I know that if someone formed an opinion on what my life was like having not actually spoken to me about it, they'd probably be wrong. I am almost definitely wrong every time I do the same. Also not being intensely critical of myself about things that aren't important, like that I don't do sport, or maths, or molecular physics. I know I could do those things, but right now I'm doing other things, and that there is a difference between deciding not to develop those skills, and actually being incapable.
Except sport, I am just incapable when it comes to sport.
But I'm okay with that.

Really thinking about the future
And initially really, really freaking out. If you're in final year and you're imagining everyone else has these grand plans and ambitions for success, then you're just plain wrong. No one knows what they're doing, and even if they've been offered something they previously thought they wanted to do they'll probably still change their mind in around 3 weeks and start applying to things all over again.
I like to think of it as a combination of hedging my bets and being incredibly indecisive.
Despite all the stress and time it takes up, I have to admit it's pretty exciting.

xx