I Stopped Writing for Student Websites and This is Why

It's been pretty well-documented on here that, since this little spot on the internet got going in 2012, I've been asked to write for various other places. Mostly it's been once or twice, sometimes just a comment to go in a larger article. Sometimes it's been a bit more permanent than that and I've been asked to be a contributor to some website or another, usually purporting itself as 'student entertainment'.

I hope the quotation marks give you a good idea of how I feel about that as a category.

I won't pretend I wasn't flattered or excited when I joined these projects, or that I didn't keep them up (though some longer than others). It quickly became the case though that I realised that I wasn't a good fit for these sites, and they wanted something from me that I couldn't give them. They wanted a stereotypical student experience that I couldn't relate to, and it's pretty difficult to write about something you never really had, particularly when you're trying to do the whole 'it's funny because it's true' shindig.

It wasn't just because I didn't drink and I always had enough money because I worked, or that I did know what the real world was like because I'd already had a full time job. I mean it was partly that, and if you look at the majority of stuff that comes out of these sites it does centre largely on those premises. It was because I didn't experience university during my undergrad years as some sort of non-stop party and at times it was incredibly hard and really lonely and at times I felt pretty defeated.

It was in large part because I can only really accurately remember feeling settled in my second year and the two years after that had me in flux a lot of the time.

I was excited to graduate and get out and re-settle somewhere else. I was right to be excited because I've felt more secure since October here than I had done at any point previously since 2012.

My problem wasn't just this though.

My atypical student experience would have been great writing fodder if anyone had wanted anything that wasn't about getting trashed and having no money.

It was because the stuff these sites wanted had no more depth to it than that, and I happen to think we're all better than that.

First off it wasn't helping me improve my writing skills, because everything (and I mean everything) had to be in list format. I don't write in list format day to day, I don't know anyone who does. Even people who don't write for a living or for study usually write in full sentences and paragraphs. So I like to think that if what you're writing is interesting enough you'll probably be able to write it in prose and everyone's going to be able to deal with that.I don't like that it played into the idea that students, and young people generally, have such short attention spans that we have to reduce everything down to bare bones to provide them with anything.

I also didn't appreciate the implication that if it isn't about being a student, or some super super relevant pop culture reference, no one would care. That implication was made loud and clear to me when I had basically everything refused by the most recent website I was asked to contribute to. That's when I decided to quit.

It was because I don't want students and young people to be reduced down to binge-drinking morons who can't get their shit together. Most of the people I know aren't like that, I'm not like that. Also no one has their shit together so pretending that's eventually going to be alleviated when you reach the hallowed plane of 'adulthood' is just straight up misleading.I don't like that student websites are inherently exclusionary if you don't live in halls/shared rented housing, or you study part time, or you enjoy your subject, or you're fairly organised, or you don't have that many friends. I don't like that they're exclusionary if you're not a student in the right way or not a student at all. 

As with most things online I'm starting to get a little bit sick of being made to feel like I'm not living properly or 'to the full' because different things bring me contentment. I didn't want other people to feel like that, I want to write about shared experiences we all have, and things everyone finds interesting because they're interesting full stop. Not to further the creation of a student archetype that we can all laugh along with even though no one really fits into it.

This isn't just a rant about me having my work refused, I had it published elsewhere on another site I no longer write for. I umm'ed and ahh'ed for a while before I emailed around and closed all my login accounts. I still wonder from an exposure point of view if it was really the right decision. From a personal fit point of view it was never really a question.

Xx

Good Vibes Sunday #3

This important piece of advice. 

Being reunited with this important head-warming article.

Treating myself to breakfast for working all weekend. 

This trip to return me and one of my best friends to each other. Knowing it's only another two weeks until we see each other again.

xx

We Need To Talk About Instagram 'Inspiration'.

I've written already about what I do when I'm grumpy, and how I let myself be unhappy and treat myself well and try to value the little things even when everything seems a bit rubbish.

I think that's really important, I think it's good to let yourself be, and to embrace your crappy emotions as much as you embrace your good ones. I think to do otherwise is bad for your mental health and probably likely to make things worse.

I think it's okay to keep on pushing when things are bad but it's also okay to take a day off. More than that it's important to remember that everyone has their own idea of what 'pushing on' is. For some people pushing forwards is just about getting out of bed and leaving the house. Some days you're just going to do the bare minimum and wait for the day to end, and that's completely fine.

So that brings me to our title, and the inspirational quotes that seem to be everywhere at the moment. I feel like I'm constantly being told to 'let go of what hurts you' and that I'll have to 'work for my dreams'.

Well yeah, obviously.

I know I have to get up every day and seize it, I know I shouldn't hold on to people or things who hurt me. I know that to be successful I'm going to have to give it everything I have.

But I'm allowed to have off days. 

Hell, I'm allowed to have off weeks, months, even a whole year.

I don't have to get up and take risks and make every day a wonderful,overwhelming, glory-filled day.

Some days, I'm going to just get through them as best I can and hopefully laugh a little and like I've been a reasonable person to interact with.

Some days, I'm going to straight-up struggle. I embrace those days. I let myself stay home. I let myself do very little work. I let myself be bad-tempered and switch off my phone and feel sorry for myself.

I hold on to people even when they've hurt me. And I remember stupid things I did even though no one else does. I get angry about the way other people have treated me, and I track them down to tell them so.

I hold grudges and rage and I let things get me angry because that's the way I demonstrate that I'm still defending myself even when I've let people treat me badly. I get angry and hold onto bad things because I balance that out by loving and caring and holding onto good people just as strongly.

I live life on my own terms and give myself every chance to be happy but I also give a lot of myself to other people because that's how I measure my success.

I don't always take risks and push myself, mostly I just sit in bed and read books and watch crime drama on TV.

Some days I don't sparkle because I don't damn -well feel like it. Sometimes I just middle; I middle and I look forward to going home. Most days for the last few months just going to sleep and getting back up again in the morning has felt like a significant triumph.

I do have the same amount of hours in a day as Beyonce but I'll be honest, people don't usually offer to let me perform at the Superbowl so it's a bit more difficult more me to get heard.

And I'll be damned if some pictures of sunsets with some faux-mantra printed on them are going to make me feel bad for that.

I hate you inspirational Instagram quotes,
I hate you because you made the default being successful and delighted with life 100% of the time.
I hate you because you put pressure on people who struggle to just hit 50/50 and because you make everyone else lie about how happy they are to live up to you.
I hate you because before you came along I was quite satisfied with my attitude and my personal strength but you make me feel inadequate.
I hate you because you make me feel like my best isn't nearly good enough.
I'm definitely unfollowing you.

And please, God, don't talk to me about #fitspo.

xx

P.S. Feel free to follow me on my instagram here: @clairegillesp
There will be no inspirational quotes or fitspo. 

In fact it's mostly just pictures of my face and things like this:

Good Vibes Sunday #2

Getting to treat this beautiful lady and wonderful friend for her birthday. 

Treating myself to some evenings off spent in the perfect way.

Finally finishing this essay, my first semester, and feeling like I've achieved something. 

These beautiful flowers. 

And these ones. 

Because even the hardest weeks can be filled with good things. 

xx

Taking My Love-Life Online

I lasted all of 24 hours.

Let's take a look at my experience.

In defence of both Tinder and Plenty of Fish, I knew what I was getting into. This is not match.com, the ads don't suggest you're going to start giggling like teenagers straight away and then look longingly into each others eyes. These are hook-up websites at the least and finding a date websites at the very best. Everyone who is on there is well aware of that.

That being said, this is something I felt I should at least give a chance at least once,

Not least so I could write about it afterwards.

I'm no good at it though, I shouldn't have been let anywhere near it.

For one I feel really uncomfortable if people just start talking to me without feeling like I at least gave them a little bit of permission.

For another, I'm terrible at being sexy, and conversations on these things get sexy pretty fast.

Let's look at an example shall we.

A very nice young man had engaged me in a conversation about my ambitions for the future, I'd mentioned I wanted to be a lecturer potentially.

He decided to take it down the 'you could teach me something' sexy route.

Unfortunately for him, he was talking to me, and all through this exchange all I could think was that I wasn't really qualified to teach yet.

I was also drinking a cup of tea and watching Midsomer Murders.

Whilst writing a blog post about Midsomer Murders.

I was also sent poems.

Told I looked too young to be 22.

And sent a wonderfully passive aggressive follow-up message when I failed to respond to his first which read:

'You know Claire, you're never going to find any dates if you don't reply to anyone ;)'

At that point I gave up.

But then, as with most things, I gave it another chance.
And this time, with the phrase 'The French Revolution is basically my life' in my profile, it was much, much better.
I started to feel like a historian; I was the resident Tinder expert on all things French Revolution.
No one tried to make that sexy, they just asked me loads of questions about it.
I started to become a bit worried that some people were poaching me for potential History PhD ideas.
Actually one guy did try to make it sexy:
'Are you the French monarchy because I would go lower than the Third Estate on you'
Just in case you were wondering, that doesn't make sense.
The Third Estate didn't go down on anyone, they killed them.
Unless you're trying to suggest that you are an actual peasant and you'd be lower than me because you'd be literally under my feet, Which isn't really that sexy.
Nor is it historically accurate.

Also huge shout out to the guy who looked so promising only to then suggest he would put his hand up my top 'if I was lucky'.

Unfortunately for you babe, that is sexual harassment, and I've experienced it so many times it ceased to entice me a while ago.
xx

Good Vibes Sunday #1

These flowers. 

This tweet.

This excellently passive aggressive way of dealing with an annoying in-law from Mikhail Bulgakov.

I might make it my new tagline on all my social media accounts I love it so much.

Midsomer Bloggers

Or 'I live in the countryside and I can confirm it's exactly like living in an episode of Midsomer Murders'. 

I grew up in the countryside, and friends who didn't grow up in the country side often compare where I live to the fictional villages in Midsomer Murders.

The more I watch it the more I have to agree there are some striking similarities.

There's loads of fields and open spaces, and also woods, which will be important later.

Every disagreement is usually about land.

Other disagreements are usually about someone being a disruptive influence in the village, or someone marrying someone else.

Everything looks nice and peaceful but there's lots of secrets and lies and shouting behind closed doors.

There are lots of long standing feuds that no one can remember the origin of.

Everyone knows everyone else's business and any news spreads like wildfire.

Unless it's a darks secret in which case no one will know but they will shoot uneasy glances around the room if the issue is raised.

There are lots of events where large numbers of people are gathered together.

At these gatherings there are usually some implements which would be considered dangerous and could be used to hurt someone.

Someone always dies at these events.

After someone dies at these events, no one is really that bothered.

Someone else will later die, also in a public place.

People who don't know these people directly won't really be that bothered, again.

Local police officers are basically gossips and will discuss the case with all their friends and family.

There is only one local detective in the entire county.

Everyone is a suspect but ultimately it will be person with the most tenuous reason that will have committed the murder.

Murders are usually about land.

People are obsessed with land.

Land is always being bought and sold, or inherited.

Dead people always have some sort of inheritance.

Everyone has a will.

No one has ever shown their will to their family.

No one ever comments on how many people are murdered.

No one ever speaks of the people who were murdered or their families, or indeed the village the incident took place in, again.

Overall, there are lots of murders but we live in the countryside so everyone's so relaxed all the time they really don't get upset about it.

xx