Good Vibes Sunday #12

Discovering @MedievalReactions on Twitter. Also @AncientReactions. Historical reactions are my favourite. 

Remembering that I am, in fact, too fab for your negativity. 

Counting down to being reunited with some of my favourite people. 

Mood-boarding and engaging my creative side. 

Ed making me feel a bit more optimistic about the next 6 weeks. Turns out political debate doesn't always have to make you want to pull out your own eyes. 

Easy, easy Sundays at work. 

Booking these and having more things to look forward to. Payday income well spent. 

xx

When I Grow Up...

Sometimes I think the only thing that gets me really angry is the way I was treated as a teenager. It obviously isn't the only thing that gets me angry, I actually have a very hot-head and I'm very vocally angry or frustrated about a lot of things a lot of the time. Very few things get me as angry as remembering advice I was given about my future career choices when I was 16, though. This is because very few things have led me on a path which is beginning increasingly to feel a million miles from where I want to be.

It isn't fair, of course, to blame whoever my careers adviser was in year 12 for the choices I made, plenty of people at 16 know exactly the industry they want to go into and they go out and get it. I'm watching a lot of people my age and younger do jobs I would love to do but are completely out of my reach. That's because at 16 I was quiet, and intelligent, and I hadn't developed my own style or 'look' yet, and I all-round did not give off the air of someone who was about to break into the creative industry with a bang, or even a small thump.

It feels fair to blame the fact I had to make that decision at that age though, it feels fair to blame the atmosphere that was created around being able to get a job and the fact you had to choose what to do at an age where really you have no reason to believe in yourself. I should here mention my GCSE and A-Level Drama and English teachers, thanks for always believing in my ability to write, sorry I didn't believe you. There are only so many times you can here how competitive an industry is and how unlikely your success is statistically until you really believe you'd just be wasting your time in pursuing a career in it.

Couple that with constantly being told that you're academically brilliant and it's no surprise that I'm here really, half way through a Masters degree and on the precipice of applying for a PhD. This year taught me that in comparison to Politics, I love History. It also taught me that if I'm in an environment where I feel happy and secure I'm more likely to enjoy whatever I'm doing. I think it only really taught me that I like being happy and feeling like I'm learning and I like having a project.

It taught me that I love lecturing and that I'd happily do it for the rest of my life but I really don't give a sweet shit where the semi-colons go in footnotes in the MHRA referencing system.

And therein, lies my problem. 

I really really want a PhD but sometimes I look at academia as a career and it feels stifling and like I'd be denying myself the thousand things I am outside of that arena. I wonder all the time if there's something that would make me happier that I could do every day of my life. Then last week I made a mood board for a job interview, I did something with my hands and my eyes that didn't involve any words and it felt like I'd switched on parts of my brain that hadn't been used in years.
It's my honest belief that it's harder to pursue your creative passions than your academic ones, it's harder because everyone tells you its harder and you rarely get solid results, you're more likely to see no progress for a longer time and there's no set career path. That being said I'm starting to feel a bit lacklustre about the little numbers on the pieces of paper I'm being given. I'm starting to feel like I let my academic achievements define me and then slowly realised they didn't give me enough credit for me as a person, a whole person. They don't feel like a compliment any more and they don't make me feel as successful as I'd like to feel.
I also don't seem to get anything apart from numbers of pieces of paper and a list of things that were missing. I can't help but wonder if I really want to commit myself to an environment that doesn't really make any attempt to encourage me to be there. I shouldn't be getting more support and appreciation from the management team at my part-time job but I am, and I shouldn't feel more confident in my abilities at that job that in my academic career but I do. I'm tired of having to convince myself I'm good enough to carry on doing this and I'm bored of being marked on one assignment every six months instead of my participation, or my dedication, or my ability to engage with other people - all of which would be crucial parts of being a lecturer, if I can make it that far.

I love History, I love learning and I especially love teaching. But I also love fashion, and I love writing and performing and creating things out of nothing. I'm not really sure how to do all those things at once.

And what is the solution to this dilemma I hear you cry, well that's simple, I'm going to do what every  young adult does when they can't be bothered to deal with a life choice, I'm going to take a year out.

Well sort of, I'm going to have a full-time job and write more and make more mood boards and apply for every job that takes my fancy and also apply for my PhD and see what comes of 12 months of doing that. So not so much a year out as a year of doing a million things and seeing what sticks.
And don't worry, you'll get constant updates by way of this little space on the internet.

xx

Good Vibes Sunday #11

Seeing this lovely Australian, and creating spontaneous plans for #ClairedoesAus2016

These lovely presents she brought me.

Celebrating the birthday of this beautiful woman <3 

Being ultra-fancy and having afternoon tea to celebrate the Easter break. 

xx

Good Vibes Sunday #10

This rediscovered picture of the most suspicious puppy. 

This card which sums up the true meaning of birthdays.

Mothers' Day to celebrate the woman who made me who I am. 

xx

Good Vibes Sunday #9

Lionel Richie should be used as a form of therapy.

Celebrating this lovely lady's birthday. 

Finally having a full-length mirror and being able to see all of myself at any one time. 

International women's day and the women who inspire me. 

xx

Songs to Start the Day

I'm determined to make March a better month. January was horrible, and for some reason February felt like it was only two weeks long but still an up hill struggle. March will be better, because I'll be more productive, and I'll get up earlier and I'll plan more nice things and send more nice-for-no-reason texts. It's my honest belief that the way you start the day makes a big difference to how good it is. On Saturday I didn't realise what day it was and hit snooze and then only had half an hour to get ready. I missed three buses, got to work on time but I had a thoroughly horrible day which didn't even get better when I got home. On Sunday I got up when my alarm went off, wrote a to-do list and did everything on it (including writing this post), I felt positive and in control and I knew Sunday was going to be a good day.

Something else I'm doing is listening to music as I go round the house getting ready and getting everything together to leave the house. Music has never been able to change my mood, but it definitely reflects it and it can even reinforce it if I'm committed enough to feeling good. I'm not going to promise that this list is guaranteed to make you 'feel-good' but if you're looking for some songs to feel relaxed and positive to, this is for you. 

Ben L'Oncle Soul - Elle Me Dit
Yes this is entirely in French, but if you can't translate all you need to know it's about having all you need even if things don't go to plan. 

Gabrielle - When a Woman 

Gabrielle - Dreams

Because the 1990's was the height of really nice pop songs about when you love people and they love you too.

Dolly Parton - Try

Otherwise known as the song from that ad where that girl bakes those biscuits. This is only if you're in a really good mood. An especially good bit is the breakdown at the end where Dolly goes on a rant about how you can do anything you want and she knows you can do it. I actually kind of believe her as well. Thanks Dolly. 

Racehl Yamagata - 1963

This is in contention for the top-spot of my favourite love song of all time. I don't know why she has 'itty bitty hearts' on her cheeks but it's so lovely I don't even care. There's a theme emerging here and it's that I really like songs about when people love people and they know they love them back. Proving that positive emotions make just as good song writing material as bad ones. 

Pharrell Williams - Gust of Wind

Pharrell Williams - Just a Cloud Away

What can I say, the man does pure joy pop songs like no one else. 

The Beach Boys - God Only Knows

This wins the category for my favourite love song, and probably my favourite song of all time. The last minute is the most wonderful relaxing minute of any song ever. Fact. 

The Isley Brothers - This Old Heart of Mine (Is Weak For You)

Back when songs were called a whole line of the lyrics so you didn't have to spend years of your life trying to find a song with some obscure title not even related to the subject of said song. Endless heartbreak never sounded so good or so damn cheery. 

Taylor Swift - Shake It Off

Okay I don't need to explain this.

Fleetwood Mac - Everywhere 

This is the song I dance to whilst I'm doing my make up. This song is why my eye liner is never even.

Beverly Knight - Keep This Fire Burning

I can't even remember how I discovered this song that I'd definitely never heard until late last year. Regardless of that this song makes me feel like I'm backing myself to do well and keep going even when I really don't feel like it. 

Here's to more good mornings. 

xx

Good Vibes Sunday #8

This song. 

This tea. 

Cinderella knows what's up. 

This sassy horse.

xx