4 Things You Can Do That Might Actually Make You Feel More Confident

So this happened: 15 Things Women Can Do To Feel More Confident

If you can't be bothered to read it, I'll give you a quick run down: it starts with the demand that you remove all your body hair because 'you're a woman, not a man' and ends with a similar demand to moisturise your skin because 'YOU'RE A WOMAN'.

As I sit here, un-moisturised and body hair not completely removed, I can't help but think that this article wouldn't really make me feel any better. If I was already feeling relatively rubbish about myself it probably wouldn't help that I now have the internet aggressively reminding me that it's probably because I'm not feminine enough. Because if one thing doesn't make me feel more confident, it's being told that a) I'm a woman so I'm only going to be attractive if I do certain things, and b) my confidence should come exclusively from the way I look.

I know that when I feel like crap it usually isn't because my hair isn't done, or even that my skin is bad, it's because I have bigger fish to fry but projecting that onto how I look is just easier. I could put on as much make-up and fake tan and exactly-the-right-amount-of jewellery as I liked; it probably wouldn't really help. 

So here are some things I do that actually do make me feel better, woman or not, when I feel like the human equivalent of the Soviet economy circa 1989 (i.e. declining, nearly in crisis). 

1. Tell someone. And when you tell them, stop putting 'just' in front of everything. Your feelings are as important and legitimate as everyone else's and you don't 'just' feel lonely and exhausted and all round rubbish about yourself. Everyone feels like that sometimes and everyone is allowed to expect support and to have someone listen to them as if how they feel actually matters, because it does. Remember that if someone else felt like this you'd want them to come to you so you could help and tell them how great they are, remember that people feel that way about you too. 
2. Turn off your phone. Sometimes people do not help, sometimes they hinder. Sometimes you just need an hour, or a day, to have a break. Being away from everything and everyone will usually help you think about what you should legitimately be concentrating on, and what is just noise that doesn't deserve to make you feel bad about yourself.
3. Don't read things like this. Anyone who thinks they can tell you what you should and shouldn't look like just has too much time on their hands. How you look is fine. Number 15 is right, you should be yourself. The 'yourself' that has body hair, pale skin, un-moisturised skin, 'too much' jewellery, un-painted toes and fingernails and even no underwear if that's what you want to do. So despite the fact that this article seems to think that not wearing underwear is basically the social equivalent of bringing a dead cat to dinner I have it on good authority that I am in fact still in possession of my own mind, and I am still able to make my own decisions regarding how I look and what I wear. 
4. You are great. And none of what you've done or who you are is based on your looks alone. When your friends talk about you I'm sure they talk about how funny/intelligent/lovely/all-round great you are and not in fact, how soft your skin is (weird) or how little body hair you have (very very weird). 

I think what really frustrated me about this wasn't the lack of real advice (telling someone to 'relax' does not constitute advice), it was that it made being a woman seem like being part of some exclusive club, like you were selling yourself short if you dared not take adhere to the suggested rules. 

I am a woman, I am also a person, and I feel more confident when I'm reminded that I'm loved and that I have been, and may again be, successful. I am a person, and I'll wear no underwear if I want to. 

xx

2014

This has been a draft since 20/12/2013, along with another article entitled 'The Best and Worst things about Christmas'...maybe next year. 

It would  be fair to say then, that for the past month university well and truly got the better of me, my deadlines crept up on me and before I knew it I was in the library for 16 hours a day, everyday. I did anticipate it a bit though, so I didn't make any New Year's resolutions, because unless they were something along the lines of 'write 7000 words in 10 days', I would have failed miserably to even attempt them for the first 2 weeks of this year.

But now I am back, properly back, and I think it's still early enough in the year to talk about what I want 2014 to be like, without making any actual resolutions which might require any planning or time invested in them.

First off I want to be more productive, I want to do this more, I want to get on top of my work rather than it being on top of me, and I want to do more of what I really, really enjoy. I'd also like to not get RSI in all of my fingers, so I should probably spend some of my time not writing.
I'll probably spend it reading, there isn't an awful lot that I enjoy which doesn't involve huge amounts of words.

I'd like start running more, and by 'more' I mean in the sense of being more than never, so actually I'd just like to start running, full stop.

I want to start cooking more, and for more people, because I hated it, and now I don't, so I should take advantage of that. I haven't killed anyone yet; so far so good.

Then I want to do all the things everyone wants to do, like keep in touch with my friends more, especially because they'll all be properly scattered all over the place come June. I want to travel more and plan exciting things for the summer and who knows, maybe graduate and get onto my MA.

I'd also like to do all this and stop worrying so much.
See this is why I don't make resolutions, because I commit to not worrying and before you know it I'm worrying about how much I worry. It's just a pointless statement. I know how much I can worry and stress before it becomes unhealthy and I have more important things to do than worry about if everyone (myself included) thinks I'm stressed. 

What I can commit to is being more grateful for everything and everyone I have. So let's do that instead.

I will make one proper resolution though, and that is to stop putting my make-up on before I brush my teeth.
It is endlessly inconvenient and I regret it every time it happens (every day). It is absolutely the most illogical part of my routine and I need to stop it, right now.

xx

Final Year: All Change

It's been three and a half years since I started university, and a lot has changed - these are the bits that are most interesting to write about.

The rest is just waffle about how I've grown as a person. 

Walking to uni everyday

To anyone who has never been to Bath, you'll just have to take my word for it when I say this is a big step. For the two years I lived here I was pretty sure walking up the hill just wasn't possible. I knew people did it, but I was pretty sure those people were professional hill-walkers. People whose level of fitness so exceeded mine that if I attempted to walk up the hill I would, in fact, be found days later by a police search party, about halfway up Widcombe hill, collapsed from over-exertion. They would sigh and say things like: 'I wish these students didn't think they could just walk up the hill, on a whim, without proper preparation'. It takes me about half an hour to do and its great exercise, although the soon-to-be icy ground coupled with my tendency to hit the ground might mean I have to take a seasonal break over the winter. 

Dying my hair (again)

 I said I'd never do it again in second year and I lied. Despite the traumatic experience of trying to dye the ends of my hair only for the colour not to make it past the first wash, it's actually been a very positive experience and I'm thoroughly enjoying having slightly lighter ends of hair. 

Being a feminist

 I know that I believe in choice on every front, but I really want to understand what feminism means to me, and I'm still learning and forming my opinions every single day. So I just read everything I see and take it all in, and I decide what I feel comfortable with and what I don't and why. So I challenge myself as well as everything around me, and whilst that can be pretty frustrating it's also given me a new lease of life when it comes to my degree subject. I want to take in all of the information and challenge it and talk about it and think about it differently and it's great. What I don't want to do and is significantly less great is write 13,000 words by the end of January. Which leads me on to...

Becoming a resident passive-aggressive in the library

If you'd have told me 3 months ago that I would be intentionally setting up seats for people that don't exist in order to avoid other people sitting at a table with me in the library, I would have been horrified. Now things are different, now I would probably rather pull out my own eyes than sit with a stranger for an entire day whilst I'm trying to read/write. Now everyone else can fuck off. 
Also, some people really need to Google before they speak; I am regularly offended on behalf of all of those books by the absolute lack of brain.

Working in the library all day

Whilst apparently terrible for my social skills, this has been fantastic for my work ethic. I didn't know I could work all day, I didn't think I had the capacity to do my subject for anything more than the 4-hour lecture block allocated to me on a Monday morning. Turns out I can read and write all day long, albeit with a slight abandonment of social niceties. 

Being nicer to myself
So not constantly comparing myself to other people, especially people I don't know, because that's not only unhealthy but also a really weird thing to do. I know that if someone formed an opinion on what my life was like having not actually spoken to me about it, they'd probably be wrong. I am almost definitely wrong every time I do the same. Also not being intensely critical of myself about things that aren't important, like that I don't do sport, or maths, or molecular physics. I know I could do those things, but right now I'm doing other things, and that there is a difference between deciding not to develop those skills, and actually being incapable.
Except sport, I am just incapable when it comes to sport.
But I'm okay with that.

Really thinking about the future
And initially really, really freaking out. If you're in final year and you're imagining everyone else has these grand plans and ambitions for success, then you're just plain wrong. No one knows what they're doing, and even if they've been offered something they previously thought they wanted to do they'll probably still change their mind in around 3 weeks and start applying to things all over again.
I like to think of it as a combination of hedging my bets and being incredibly indecisive.
Despite all the stress and time it takes up, I have to admit it's pretty exciting.

xx

5 OF THE BEST: COMEDY

Sorry summer has been so bad for this blog, I've been super busy with job hunting and life planning and trips away and writing (although not nearly as much as I'd like). I plan to be more organised once term starts again!

#1 Wag the Dog

This is probably one of my favourite films of all time, but I wouldn't recommend it if you want to be cheered up. One of the best black comedies out there and if you were a fan of Dr. Strangelove, then you have to see this. In the context of the subsequent Lewinsky scandal and the bombing of a pharmaceuticals factory in Sudan it really rings true. In terms of media spin and governmental timing, it's as relevant now as it was then. Dustin Hoffman and Robery de Niro make a great time, and watch out for a young Kirsten Dunst. 

If this sounds like your sort of thing then Thank you for Smoking is also great. 

#2 Monty Python and the Holy Grail 

As above there are plenty of other films I could have substituted in this recommendation, but this just happens to be my favourite - especially after I saw Spamalot live for the first time last year. I don't need to talk about how good anything Monty Python is and I highly doubt I'm recommending this to anyone who hasn't seen it. In fact it's more likely that you haven't seen all four series of Monty Python's Flying Circus, so go and watch those instead, then watch the film again. Then go and see Spamalot if you have the chance, because things are always better live. 

#3 The Naked Gun: From the Files of Police Squad!

Again, Airplane could have easily gone here instead but since it was only on TV last week I felt like this was a more useful suggestion. Leslie Nielsen and Priscilla Presley are excellent and you will laugh from beginning to end as the film is surreal bordering on the absolutely ridiculous. Now this is something you should watch if you want to be cheered up at the end of a long day. There are also two follow-ups and although nothing can replace the original, they certainly don't fall as flat as most comedy sequels; so give those a go too. 

#4 Four Lions

After trying to explain this to people who don't live in Britain, it has become evident to me that this is something that only a British audience could find funny on premise alone. Written by the fantastic Chris Morris, it's at the same time hilarious and a little bit uncomfortable in places. It shouldn't be funny at all but it's too sharp to feel uninformed and too poignant to be out-and-out satire. 

#5 In the Loop

I think I love The Thick of It, Armando Iannucci and the entire cast of this film so much it would have been impossible for me to dislike it. Outside of my obvious bias though, the film is great and I would go so far as to say there isn't a weak moment or character in the entire thing. An amazing performance by James Gandolfini and a must-see if you're a fan of the late Sopranos actor, yet another example of what a great loss to acting he was. Watch it at the moment and have all the relevant context you need without needing to cast your mind back to 2003.

Films that just missed the cut: Shaun of the Dead, The Ladykillers, The Producers, This Is Spinal Tap.

xx

5 OF THE BEST: DOCUMENTARIES

#1 The Times of Harvey Milk

For anyone who prefers the actual testimonies of people who were there over the theatrical release, this is a collection of news footage and interviews from the people closest to Harvey Milk during his election campaign and the city's reaction to his assimilation. The film is moving now, so you can only imagine the impact it would have had in 1984, just 6 years after Milk's death, and the rawness of the incident runs through every anecdote the interviewees share. A topic that is just as prevalent now as it was 20 years ago, making this documentary even more saddening in its continued relevance.

#2 Food Inc. 

Years before Europe found out there was horse meat in its beef, America was fighting cases against contaminated meat and grains, and farmers were being taken to court over seeds carried into their fields by the wind. Director Robert Kenner spent a large portion of the film's budget on protecting himself and his researchers from lawsuits by large food corporations, which is surely the sign of an informative documentary if nothing else. Whilst the segment on meat production might not resonate with audiences outside of the US, the following piece on the unsustainable reliance on grain (both in our food, and livestock feed), is relevant for everyone.

Watch it, and take absolutely ages to do your shopping from now on.

Know more: http://www.fixfood.org/

#3 Inside Job

Thanks to a very good friend, I finally saw this, and it was well worth the wait. If you thought you couldn't understand what caused the global economic crisis, and as a result couldn't form an opinion on it, then this film will change your mind. In-depth analysis of the background to the crisis, the collapse of the banks, and the global response - and a great number of stumped interviewees. Whilst the film has an obvious bias, the people who declined to be interviewed and what is said by the ones who didn't, speaks for itself. 

#4 Home

Basically all those incredible aerial shots they show you at the beginning of documentaries compiled into one film with a fantastically informative voice over. Saying any more would ruin it for you, but the documentary set out to highlight how interconnected all earth's inhabitants, and the problems they face are; and it certainly achieves that. 

#5 We Steal Secrets: The Story of Wikileaks

A must-see for anyone who even thought they might have had an opinion on either Wikileaks or Julian Assange. Whatever side you fell down on before, this film will lead you closer to the mid-ground and largely feeling just plain confused. A closer look at Assange himself and soldier turned Wikileaks informant, Bradley Manning, An in-depth look at all the prominent events in the development of Wikileaks, but there are no conclusions here. With both Manning and Assange awaiting criminal charges, it is still far too soon to tell what effect these events will have on government intelligence and its relationship with technology.

Coming soon...Salinger

 Incredibly reclusive during his lifetime, so it will be incredibly interesting to see what this film contains. Even if it already feels like a massive invasion of privacy.

xx