DEAR CLAIRE 2015

Though I love Christmas, if I'm really honest, I find this time of year to be filled with all kinds of pressures on my time and my general well-being that I don't feel as much during the rest of the year.

One of them is to have an extended family to take up copious amounts of the time in between Christmas and New Year's, and of course to tell hilarious eye-roll inducing anecdotes about to everyone in the first days of January. The other is to have a huge friendship group to spend the other portions of my time with.

If I'm honest I spend most of the Christmas/New Year period by myself. I spent a lot of that time sleeping. If I'm really honest I'm too exhausted by now to imagine that anything else could have worked without me collapsing by January 2nd.

I also think that this period is rife with people telling you to think about yourself and the ways you want to change.

So based on these few things, I'd like to send my own incredibly non-reflection inducing messages into the new year of 2015, for myself, and anyone else who might find them useful.

xx

Dear 2015 Claire, 

First of all, please take your make-up off every night. You never get home later than 9 so the fact that you get into bed straight away and never get up again, whilst understandable, is making you spotty. It's taken ten long years to get your skin into this state, stop ruining it for us.

Next, do more exercise, or don't. And eat better...or don't. You do whatever the hell you want as long as you promise to love yourself and feel happy in your own skin every single day. Keep on blowing metaphorical (and literal) raspberries in the face of '#fitspo' and '#strongisthenewskinny' and you go running to clear your head and help you sleep better and if you don't like it just stay in bed and read books and watch shit TV and eat to your heart's content. Basically keep doing what you're doing. 

I do want you to do one thing though, well really it's more like two things. I want you to write more, and read more. Those are the things you really love and I want you to dedicate more time to them please. You'll be loads happier and more confident in your potential, I promise. 

We're probably still going to be stony-ass broke by this time next year, so don't worry about travelling or seeing more of the world or any of that crap. You focus on moving out and visiting your friends and stuff that will promote your emotional well-being and the relationships you put so much work into so far with the people you love. You don't need to find yourself, you're fine.

You don't smoke and you don't drink. Good job. Pretty sure we'll keep that up. 

You're fairly good at saving money. You've paid for everything yourself so far so you have everyone reason to be proud of yourself for that if nothing else. And no overdraft. 

You're really, really good at kicking out people who don't treat you properly and don't love and respect you. You carry on doing that scary-side of Claire. Carry on being an absolute, unforgiving bitch when it's necessary. 

You're also really, really good at loving other people. And you can carry on with that until the cows come home. You can do the aforementioned scary-Claire shit because you know what you deserve and you deserve care. I hope that by this time next year you're still texting the same people at midnight that you'll be texting tonight. You put everything into those relationships because the people you have them with are amazing. They're worth it and so are you. 

You got good grades! And you're trying really hard and you love your subject. Everything you ever wanted since you made that careers presentation in Year 12 and someone laughed when you said you wanted to get a PhD is so so close.* You can do it. 

You don't need to be better, in any way, you're fine as you are. You just keep on going just like you are.

I'm so proud of you, I hope you're proud of you this time next year too. 

Lots and lots of love, 

Claire 

xx

*I did not make life decisions and direct my career in this direction just because someone laughed at me when I was 17. But I am very excited about achieving what they thought I couldn't nonetheless. 

Am I A 'Basic Bitch'?

Spoiler alert: Probably.

I hate the term 'basic'. No, actually, I don't. I hate the 2014 internet use of the term 'basic'. I hate that instead of being an insult you throw at someone you don't respect it's now used by everyone and their dog to trivialise women.
I hate it almost as much as I hate having my desire to have a meaningful conversation with a female friend reduced down to 'talking about boys' by a male acquaintance.
Both of these things trivialise me and my feelings, and both of them stop me from expressing that I'm comfortable with myself because they take aspects of who I am and use them to make me sound like a mindless moron.

So this post comes in response to this article entitled: 50 Signs You're Dating A Basic Bitch, obviously meant to serve as a warning to any man who's dating a girl that might enjoy, well, anything. After all, everyone knows that anyone who likes things is basically an idiot. Now let's take a look and see if I am a 'basic bitch', or if I'm actually a 22-year old woman with numerous jobs and a master's degree as well as the ability to maintain strong personal relationships.
My money would be on both but everyone knows women can't be more than one thing at once because we don't get to be complex like that.

1. My casual outfits would suggest that I'm not going anywhere, They are 100% fleece. I don't own any UGG boots but I do own slippers that resemble them, and I've worn them with shorts and a hoodie before for sure.
2. I do go to Starbucks. I'm not sure I have much affection for the place per se but I definitely go whenever I'm at work because it's next door. I don't think the baristas know me but I do know them.
3. Okay you've got me I actually hate Paris.
4. I don't own a cowboy hat. I do love Taylor Swift.
5. I would really like to do yoga. I have talked about it and I'll probably never go.
6. I do own underwear from Victoria's Secret.
7. I don't really know how you'd define the colour of your underwear as 'ridiculous' or not.
8. I do keep things that have sentimental value. I think that might be less 'basic' and more valuing other people and your memories with them.
9. I have no interest in Zumba.
10. I don't think I can speak Spanish. I can speak French. It's not embarrassing because I CAN speak French. Who even says they can speak languages that they can't speak?
11. I probably would be a 'woo girl'. I'm presuming that just means a girl who says 'woo' when she's drunk.
12. It's definitely okay to be upset if an actor you like dies.
13. I have seen wedding-proposal videos on YouTube. I have enjoyed them.
14. I don't fancy Channing Tatum.
15. I do use the term 'girl crush', because other women are beautiful.
16. I don't have a 'wild side' as oppose to any other 'side'. I am a complex person and I have done numerous things as a result.
17. I wish I could afford MAC make up.
18. When I was unemployed and home during the day I watched Real Housewives. I'm not any more so I don't. That's the only reason.
19. I've been told I am Jess from New Girl. I'm really just clumsy.
20. I do own and wear lip gloss.
21. I do both love to laugh and love to have fun. I don't have a dating profile.
22. I'm not particularly religious. I think you can still be spiritual anyway.
23. Okay I don't drink but there's nothing to say I wouldn't drink cocktails of all varieties if I did.
24. I didn't go to Vegas with my girls but I have been to Ibiza and we definitely used the hashtag '#whathappensinibiza'.
25. I don't have stuff with words like 'peace' or 'love' on them.
26. I don't own anything that says 'Keep Calm' on it.
27. Chances are she might actually be a fan of Marilyn Monroe or Audrey Hepburn, or maybe just like iconic photography, or both.
28. Also completely fine to like inspirational quotes. Although there is a post coming on how healthy and useful I think they are if you're genuinely struggling.
29. I just like chicken. I didn't realise that was a social gesture.
30. I haven't seen ALL Wes Anderson films, I do really want to.
31. I don't check my horoscope.
32. Yep everyone knows that not finding jokes about rape funny means you have ZERO sense of humour.
33. I'm pretty sure no one says 'the P-word' or 'the C-word' because there are about 20 different versions of those particular words you would use instead.
34. Not red roses, and they're not my favourites.
35. No one describes themselves as 'traditional' and describing women as 'classy' is just one of the thousands of ways we've been taught to hate each other. Like describing each other as 'basic'.
36. Yep, everything does happen for a reason.
37. I don't have Pintrest.
38. It's okay to be interested in both jewellery and the aesthetics of weddings.
39. I don't like rom coms. 
40. I don't like The Hills.
41. I think everyone has the 'Hey Girl' book.
42. I do love to bake.
43. I do love cakes and frozen yoghurt.
44. #fitspo makes me gag.
45. Sick of being told that enjoying something must mean I'm 'obsessed' with it.
46. I could tell you of good self-tanners.
47. I really like brunch. It's an extra meal what's not to like.
48. I'm always dressing as a sexy ___, Halloween or not.
49. Let's make women who aren't interested in politics right now feel insecure about it, that will help.
50. Did you hear about her morning sickness? And her complete lack of privacy? No one really wants to be Kate Middleton.

Overall, it's looking pretty basic.

Actually it's not, it's just looking like I enjoy some things and don't enjoy others and in that sense I am like every other person on the planet because I have opinions on things.

I don't know how we made liking things into a way to trivialise and demean women but that's quite an achievement so maybe we should be proud of ourselves.

We shouldn't, that's fucking awful.

xx

On Reflection, That Wasn't Okay

I was bullied when I was at school. Not really for anything, and not particularly seriously. I also like to think that it wasn't in a way which has severely affected me later on; that I'm still successful and confident and that actually if anything it was people who I considered friends that let me down and hurt me more than people who used to call me a 'loser' when I was 14. In that I suppose I was lucky, because that's all they did, no one beat me up, no one picked out a physical attribute to make me insecure about, they just laughed at me and thought I was a bit weird. At the time I thought it was the worst thing in the world and I cried a lot, in retrospect it's made me very sensitive to other people's feelings and given me the ability to laugh at myself. Other people still laugh at me too, and now I practically encourage it. 

My point is that even after I left school I didn't really know what it was like to have someone pick on something really specific and make me feel uncomfortable about it. Not until I went to a very small university in the South West with my incredibly soft northern accent did I have that experience. I'd love to say that more than anything it was just boring, that four years after arriving at Bath I just rolled my eyes when someone paused to imitate my accent back at me. But it wasn't just boring, it was frustrating and at some points very isolating. 

I appreciate that it doesn't sound like a big deal, and I don't bring it up often just because of that. That being said this is my space on the internet and if I want to get angry about something then I can. So here it is: when people make fun of my accent it really pisses me off. Mostly because even four years down the line no one seemed to have guessed that maybe I might be a little bored of hearing about it, and whilst it might have been meant in friendly jest 90% of the time it sometimes struggled to come across like that around 50% of the time. That's mostly because by and large it was just aimed at me. There are, sadly unsurprisingly, very few people from the north of England at the University of Bath. That's fine, I didn't move there to be surrounded by northern people, that wasn't what I expected to need to have to feel comfortable or to make friends. I made friends and mostly I felt increasingly at home. Until someone commented on my voice, and then I felt very far from home and anything but comfortable. 

The thing about my voice is that there's very little I can do about it. It was formed through years of social interaction and at age 22 I'd say it was probably here to stay. In that sense it's much like my appearance in that it's an integral part of who I am but I have basically no control over it. So when someone makes fun of it, or suggests that I pronounce stuff wrong, I tend to feel much as I imagine you would if someone made fun of your physical appearance. I feel pretty rubbish but also pretty personally aggrieved because it doesn't really feel like a fair game. It's not fair because those people were surrounded by other people who sounded just like them, hence noticing I sounded different. But I spent 18 years surrounded by people who spoke just like me and I still managed to keep it together when I moved somewhere else. I was more than aware that there were people with accents other than mine and that they had just as much a right to be okay with their speech as I did with mine. 

The only difference was I was out on my own, I very rarely heard anyone speak back to me in a voice that held any familiarity, and that probably wouldn't have been so bad if it didn't also come coupled with the suggestion that there was something fundamentally 'not as good' about my accent.

It never really let up and looking back I never really suggested that it annoyed me. It took coming home and realising how much of a toll the experience had taken on me to realise how much I never ever want to deal with that again. I have no interest in being told that I pronounce things 'wrong', I also have no interest in being told the 'correct' word for something which I happen to have a different word for because of where I learnt to speak. I also have no interest in being told I'd be 'attractive if it wasn't for your voice', which is insulting and demeaning in a number of different ways that I can't even be bothered to go into here. 

I do however, have every interest in continuing to express myself in my own voice and trying to reverse the audible 'softening' of my accent that has taken place. My accent doesn't get stronger when I'm angry or tired, I just stop sub-consciously trying to hide it. The fact that, instead of expressing my discomfort, I just slowly adapted my voice, just because it was easier, has to be the saddest part of this whole thing. I let people make me feel like the way I express myself, that the way I am wasn't good enough and that I should change it; that is absolutely the worst thing I've ever heard. 

xx

Tiny Victories of the Week.

I'm usually pretty hard on myself when it comes to feeling down, I've seen one too many inspirational Instagram posts and it's left me feeling like every day should be seized with the most positive energy possible and I should end it feeling like I'd conquered Rome. 

Recently though, I've decided to give myself a break. I think I could quite legitimately choose to be incredibly grumpy at the moment and not have to take joy in anything. I certainly don't feel like I'm conquering any days so much as I'm enduring them and still standing at the end.

Hence the title of 'tiny victories'; they are tiny, and fairly mundane successes throughout what has been a very difficult week.

• Everyone I came into contact with when I was travelling on my own was more than happy to help me. People are really nice if you just ask.
• My make up lasted all of my 12 hour journey to Maastricht, making me feel a lot less like a stressed mess. At least on the outside.
• I had a bit of a disaster on Wednesday but it's nothing that can't be fixed and it had the added bonus of acting as a massive wake-up call that I need to return to my super-organised and super-alert self and not let everything that's happening around me make me absent-minded.
• At a time when I feel like I churn out bad news like there's no tomorrow, everyone who cared for me has continued to do so and not once made me feel uncomfortable about it.
• Whenever I admitted that I would need some help and that I wasn't coping, I wasn't once made to feel like that wasn't completely fine.
• One of my dissertation tutees said I helped her feel less stressed about her dissertation.
• I absolutely love my subject and I can't wait to spend the rest of my life doing it.
• I've started writing again after a break so long I couldn't call it a hiatus so much as an abandonment.

xx

On Hilarious Women, And Being Surrounded By Them

Until about three months ago, when people used to say that women weren't funny I would feel first angry, then disappointed, then an incredible desire to make a list of women I knew for a fact were funny. Now, if presented with a similar problem, I would just feel sorry for them.

I'd feel sorry for them because that means that when they went through the hardest times in their life, they weren't surrounded by hilarious female comrades to remind them that they could do (and handle) anything they damn well wanted. 

So this post is dedicated to those women, to the friend who helped me use theatre analogies to assess my now 'one-woman show' of a life after my relationship came apart. To the friend who asked me actual questions and allowed me to make actual (all be it pretty bleak) jokes about an illness in the family. And to all the women in my life who told me stories and laughed at mine just minutes after I'd told them something life-changing and often horrible.

Women who didn't only make me laugh but also made me feel strong. Women who inspired me to keep going as they did when they went through a hard time; with a smile on their face and always committed to making other people laugh. Women who never once tried to change my mind once I'd made a decision, women who always supported me, never spoke badly of me and believed in my worth even when I felt like I was trying to walk against a brick wall.

Women who can make me laugh out-loud in public with one perfectly worded text. Women who's timing is impeccable and phrasing is perfect. Women who will listen to me rant about anything and everything; from EU membership, Shakespeare in the national curriculum and that stupid guy that makes me want to hit something. Women who will rant in return and be a million times more hilarious than I was whilst they do it.

So women are funny, They are hilarious. They're hilarious every day and they're hilarious especially when absolutely nothing else could even raise a smile from me. Which if anything is the real test, because if you can be funny when no one wants to laugh that's pretty damn good. So if you're going to tell me that women can't be funny, then that's sad for you, I hope you find one soon and apologise to them for being such an arsehole in a past life.

xx

Autumn Digest

This is coming instead of last month's monthly digest, not because I left it too late (I did), but because I thought it would be nice (that too).

As far as I'm concerned this time of year is just the build up to Christmas.

I love that it's cold, I love that I'm either too cold or sweating because I'm wearing so many layers inside. 

I love that all the shops have put their Christmas displays out and everyone's complaining about it. I love that when everyone stops complaining it's an appropriate time to get excited for Christmas. Most of all I love the way everyone looks at this time of year, 

I love layers, and I love the way everyone changes their make-up around now because finally it's cold enough for it not to melt off your face.

I even like that it's dark all the time. That's right, I like that. Not in itself because it means I just want to be in bed for 70% of the day, but because that's when you know that this time of year is coming and I enjoy everything that comes with it.

I don't just like autumn and winter, I like them so much more than I like summer. During the colder months everyone wants to be inside, and it's totally acceptable to plan every activity around the availability of inside space. During summer, even when it isn't hot, everyone wants to be outside all the time. It's like a horrible compulsion to be outdoors even when it isn't hot enough to sit still for an hour and I'd be much happier inside.

I really really like, but also don't understand, the fact that my parents turn the heating up far too high and basically turn the house into the world's best-furnished sauna. 

I really like being able to buy a million jumpers and long-sleeved shirts, and I love that a either a roll-neck or many layers of top and jeans will be my uniform for the next 5 months.

Lots of love

xx

On Being Frightened

About two weeks ago I started university, for the days leading up to my first day (and most of the first week) my inner-self felt like this: 

In other words, I was really, really scared.

Now I'm feeling a bit more like that scene in a movie where the main character hears a noise upstairs and goes to check it out only to find out it's just some creaky door. So not completely terrified, but definitely on edge, waiting for the actual scary thing to happen.

When you tell people you're going to university for the first time, or back to university, or starting a new job, or moving away, they always want to tell you how excited you must be.

Most of all they want to hear how excited you are.

For me, if it was someone I didn't know that well, I just lied and said I was 'soo excited' and I was sure it was going to be 'soo good'. If they knew me a little better then I was honest and admitted actually, that I was very very scared and starting to wonder what on earth I was doing taking such a massive risk.

As the time drew nearer I only became more scared, and more convinced I wasn't going to be able to cope and that I was going to spend the entire year with no friends and slowly drowning under the weight of my course and part-time job. These might seem like an over-exaggerated description of what everyone feels when they have to start over somewhere new, but for me it felt all too accurate. My final year at university was really tough friends-wise and although I left it with some of the best friends I could ever have wished for, I also left it thoroughly shaken and not nearly as sure as myself as I was at the start of it. I wasn't just worried that people wouldn't like me, or wouldn't find me worthy of friendship, I was really concerned that I just wouldn't put myself out there from fear of realising both of those things.

It was scary because for the first time in my life I wouldn't be thrown together with a group of people, either in my accommodation or work place who would just be my friends by default. Not only that, but I'd also made this decision all on my own. Going to university had seemed so obvious, like I'd never have done anything else, but going on to postgraduate study was just one of a million paths I could have followed after I finished my undergraduate degree. 

So if I had a terrible time, and crashed and burned both socially and academically, I'd only have myself to blame.

I feel incredibly lucky to feel that fear reducing as the weeks go on.

If being so frightened at the start has given me something, it's been that I feel grateful for even the smallest victories in my new situation. I changed my course from part-time to full-time with relative ease, I made friends who I see regularly, and I feel on top of and excited about my work.

Don't get me wrong I'd have loved to not have been frightened, I'd still love to be able to shine with confidence and not let everyone that let me down in the past make me think that everyone else is going to do the same in the future.

But it is okay to be frightened, and okay to let that subside in its own time.

Who knows, maybe if this year goes well I can start my next adventure with the relaxed confidence of someone who isn't internally screaming. Maybe.

À bientôt!

xx

Weekly Digest

This is cliché but I'm going to say it anyway; I have no idea where time has gone. How is it October (September Digest is coming soon), how is it the final of GBBO on Wednesday, and mostly, how am I ordering books for my Masters thesis already?

I don't know why I've been so bad at taking photos for these past two weeks, especially since I'm out of the house (and therefore have to be dressed) every day of the week. As with most things here, I'm going to try and improve that in the future.

The one I did manage to take a picture of was this one, we did a late night student event at work and we were also featured on the official Instagram: 

(The boots are from Marks and Spencer, I'm still deciding so any votes on whether I should buy them would be greatly appreciated)

It was also my other half's birthday this week so we went out for a lovely meal on Thursday night. I don't know where I'm looking but this is the only photo where we're both smiling:

And last night I made dinner: 

Definitely a week of finding my feet as it's the first time in months I've had a job and uni work to do. I don't feel like it's going too badly so far, so let's hope this week is a sign of things to come! 

Lots of love 

xx

Weekly Digest

STARTING UNI...AGAIN

This week was probably the strangest of my life. I never ever expected to feel so overwhelmed and frightened and nervous in the city that's been my home for 22 years; but that's how I felt on Tuesday finding my way through Leeds University campus.

Luckily I had nothing to worry about, I've so far managed to find everything okay, I feel ready to work, and I even made friends (I hope) and that fear has now partially transformed into excitement for the coming year.

In honour of my being about to embark upon 12 months of very hard work I celebrated today by not getting out of bed until 11am, only leaving the house to buy food and the comfiest pair of sweatpants in the known world, and then taking a 4-hour nap.

Sweatpants - F&F at Tesco

Real-time update: I'm still in bed watching the X Factor right now.

Only partially, I'm obviously still absolutely terrified - more on that in a post next week.

Also this is what I wore on my first day: 

Scarf - H&M

Blazer - ASOS

Top - American Apparel

Lips - Kate Moss for Rimmel

RECOMMENDATIONS

Over the past week some really exciting and interesting posts have come out of the blogging community. Here are some I'd really recommend you take a look at:

Tales of an 'ugly' beauty blogger by Zoe London: http://www.zoelondon.me/2014/09/tales-of-ugly-beauty-blogger.html

Zoe tackled something here that I don't think anyone talks about enough in the beauty community, the problem of looking different in an industry which appears obsessed with 'classic' beauty. This is well worth a read for anyone who has ever felt they just don't look the 'right' way to fit in, wherever that may be.

5 things I'm not allowed to say by Scarphelia: http://www.scarphelia.com/2014/09/5-things-im-not-allowed-to-say-30-days-7.html

This article is so on point I'm not even going to try and summarise it; I was just nodding the entire way through.

Things to keep in mind by Milk Bubble Tea: http://milkbubbletea.blogspot.co.uk/2014/09/things-to-keep-in-mind.html

A really nice, uplifting Sunday evening read which made me feel a lot better after an exhausting week. 

Lots of love, see you soon! 

xx

History 101: The French Revolution, The Best Bits

Dr Guillotin was actually the guy who located and accessed the tennis court for the third estate to meet and agree the monumental Tennis Court Oath, but that's not what he's most famous for. Honestly, invent one device that's used to chop 40,000 people's heads off and that's all anyone bangs on about.

Everyone was really ugly, apparently. Jean Paul Marat is described as having 'burning, haggard eyes' amd a 'toadlike mouth', Robespierre's features were 'repulsive' and was even described by his revolutionary counterpart Danton as having 'the face of a cat who tasted vinegar'. Camille Desmoulins on the other hand was at least 'ugly with an energetic ugliness', so at least he was putting some effort into it.

During the French Revolution, slavery was officially abolished in 1794, following a revolt and defeat of the French army on the island of San Domingo. It was then reinstated by Napoleon in the French colonies in 1802; but at least they tried.

The grave diggers on duty when Marie Antoinette was beheaded were so slow to bury her that a woman had time to sculpt a model of her head out of wax. That woman was Madame Marie Tussaud.

The Marquis de Sade was there, and his experience was a mixed bag to say the least. He was arrested twice and everything he wrote during his first internment was lost during the storming of the Bastille. The second time he was interred, he was marked as 'absent' on the day he was due to be executed and the next day the Jacobin government was overthrown. He was then put into an asylum, but his room had a four poster bed and he was allowed to build a theatre within the asylum to put on plays and operas.

During the time following the Storming of the Bastille people were so afraid that of the backlash of the Ancien Regime that sometimes panic erupted when villages in the countryside mistook the sunset for another burning village in the distance. 

A Week In Ireland

If you saw my last post you'll know that I spent a week in Ireland with my lovely friend Jenny and her family. It was the most relaxing week I've had in a very long time, I didn't think it was possible for me to sleep in until 9am but I managed it nearly every day! We were in County Wexford, out in a little cottage in the country and also very close to the sea. All of our surroundings were beautiful and I even got to go out fishing on the open sea. I couldn't recommend Ireland more highly as a destination for a break and hopefully I'll be back soon to explore some of its cities!

Here are some photos from my trip : 

See you soon with a more interesting and much longer post!

xx

Ireland: What I'm Taking

When you read this, I'll be in Ireland!

There will be no Weekly Digest this week as I'm away but I'll do this and an 'Ireland Digest' when I get home. I'm away for 7 days, and as I'm travelling on my own I wanted to keep my luggage fairly light and compact. Saying that, the cabin baggage allowance was only 7kg in a very small case, and considering we'll probably be spending a lot of time outside but also in the city, restaurants etc, that definitely wasn't enough for me! I booked a 15kg checked bag and now I can use my 7kg cabin allowance to it's full capacity.

Here's what I'm taking in my cabin and checked luggage: 

A book, notebook, pen, purse, iPod, cosmetic bag with tablets and hairbrush etc, handcream, lipgloss, lip balm and of course, my passport and boarding pass.

And here's what's in the red cosmetic bag on the left:

Vaseline roll-on deoderant (no aerosols allowed!), Clinique face wash, cleanser and moisturiser, Umberto Giannini Overnight Beauty Hair Balm, Marc Jacobs Honey body lotion and body wash, John Freida Sheer Blonde Shampoo.

I've also got boring things like a razor, hairbrush, a toothbrush, some decanted conditioner (Touch of Silver Daily Conditioner) and a very old, half-full pot of Lush's Ultrabland cleanser.

And finally, this is what I'll be wearing on the day I fly: 

Velveteen trousers - American Apparel

Shirt - American Apparel

Jumper - Hearts & Bows @ Ark

Boots - Next

Hopefully this might have been helpful for any of you that are travelling soon! There will be plenty of photos of what I wore whilst I was there so you'll get to see what I packed in my suitcase when I get back!

Lots of love!

xx

Weekly Digest

This week was a very busy one, for good reasons and pretty boring ones. I was working a lot, and the university have started emailing me pretty much daily with a long list of things I need to get sorted before I start there in just two weeks. I also have mock tutorials for next year's freshers to organise, On top of that I've had very exciting trip to Ireland to arrange and pack for; I'm spending a week with my gorgeous friend Jenny and her family near Cork, where I will do lots of walking and hopefully take lots of photos. I do have some posts planned whilst I'm away so if Blogger can manage to schedule them properly there should be one on Sunday and on Thursday too.

On the subject of photos I've also been very lucky to inherit my parents old camera as they've recently upgraded. So hopefully the photos on this blog will significantly improve very soon! 

WHAT I WORE 

Sunday BBQ

Jumper - Refectory @ TK Maxx

Shirt - River Island

Date Night

Shirt, Jeans & Belt - American Apparel

On our date night we went to see As Above, So Below and I have to say I was a bit sceptical, but I can't resist a horror film. Overall, I enjoyed it, I like the fact it wasn't just set in a creaky family home with a basement; it definitely made me want to visit the Paris catacombs. I did feel that maybe they tried to do too much and you lost out on character and especially back story/context because of that. Not my favourite film of the year so far, but definitely worth a watch if you're looking for something a bit different to the run of the mill supernatural horror.

Lots of love, see you next week! 

xx

August Digest

August was a really exciting month for me, and now it's over I finally feel like I'm about to go back to uni again - especially after spending over an hour trying to navigate a new registration system and paying my tuition fees. Yes, that is my bank account you can hear crying.

Luckily for me, August is also the month I started my new job and this week saw the end of my volunteering placement, meaning I can start looking for something else to fill my time with and finally have a bit more of a structured routine. 

Unfortunately for this month's round up I've been so busy that I've barely taken any photos or even done anything particularly exciting but having a job has made me value my 'down time' a lot more than I did when I first started uni. So, instead of doing the usual categories for the month I'm going to do some recommendations and a few disappointments of things I've bought/seen/read this month! 

RECOMMENDATIONS

If you read my last post you'll know that I'm currently reading Vive la Revolution by Mark Steel; this is the second time I've read it and I couldn't recommend it highly enough for anyone who's interesting in the French Revolution but doesn't want a thousand pages of dates and the name of every man and woman who was a little bit annoyed in 1789. 

This week was also the week all of my make up collectively ran out, which was painful for my bank balance but quite a welcome opportunity to change (see next section). I was looking for a new foundation but then I saw the Rimmel Match Perfect foundation was on sale, along with the primer, so I decided I'd go back to my old favourite - although I have a sneaking suspicion I've picked up a different shade this time around. I also picked up the Collection Pressed Powder in Transparent to dust over the top and for £1.99 I couldn't be happier with the result.

This isn't really a recommendation but I am also loving that it's getting a little bit colder - layering has returned to my wardrobe of many many jumpers and it's made me very happy indeed.

DISAPPOINTMENTS

Considering I was so excited to try it out, the Maybelline Dream BB Cream has really let me down. Not only is Light way too pale for me, even though Medium was far too dark, but also the coverage was really bad. I know, I know it's a BB Cream but it just didn't do anything for my skin at all. I got a tiny sample of the Rimmel BB Matte Cream in a goody bag from Very.com last week so I'll try that out as soon as possible and get back to you. 

Another very sad disappointment  this month was Doctor Who...sorry Peter. I wanted to love it, I really really wanted to, but after seeing this week's episode along with last week's, I'm just not feeling it. It might be because I don't like Jenna Coleman as the assistant, it might be because the story lines aren't very exciting, it might be because it feels a bit repetitive, it might just be because I'm incredibly picky when it comes to TV. Whatever it is, I'm not enjoying it.

That's my round up of this month! Next month's should be much more interesting as I've got lots of stuff going on in September, including a little trip away and starting uni again! 

Lots of love! 

xx

When I'm having a 'grumpy' day

These last two months since coming home from university have been pretty mixed overall. Despite the fact I was really looking forward to coming home and leaving some things/people behind, I've found being home and being confronted with decisions about my future to be really challenging (there will be a more in-depth post on this soon). As a result I've found myself feeling a bit like I'd rather sleep than have to get up and do anything. I've just started a new job and whilst I'm still getting to grips with everything and making many mistakes along the way I'm also having a day every so often where I feel like it would have have been easier for everyone if I'd just stayed at home and I just want to lay, face down on my bed and not get up for a very long time.

Unfortunately, these days are rarely at a convenient time. At the moment I don't really have any days off, which means that if I want down time I need to condense it down into a couple of hours into the morning or evening. So here's a few things I've found really help when I'm in a bad mood and I need to get out of it and be a normal human being.

Have a cup of tea and watch some TV

It may seem like a cliché but I really do feel better sat in bed with a hot drink in hand and some mindless TV on. This time last week I felt like everything was getting on top of me and all it took to was an hour of Great British Bake Off and a cup of tea to make me feel better.

Have a good meal

My first instinct when I have a bad day is usually to treat myself to something filled with sugar. I know this isn't any good for me though, especially if I want to keep going for the rest of the day without having a blood sugar related crash later on. A good round meal not only gives me more energy, it also means I won't crave bad stuff for the rest of the day.

Read a book

Nothing helps me forget what was bothering me faster than reading about something else. It gives my mind a well-needed rest from thinking about me and lets me block everything out for a while. At the moment I'm ready Mark Steel's Vive la Revolution which has the added bonus of reminding me why I love history and helping me feel a little more confident in my decision to study it.

Have a bath

I don't always have time to do this on a morning, but when I do I find that it really prepares me for the day, like getting ready from scratch. Having a bath also makes me feel more awake and cures any aches and pains I might have when I wake up and I've slept weirdly. Sleeping so deeply is great but I can mean that I've spent 8 hours in a very uncomfortable position, which my neck and shoulders don't appreciate come the morning.

Put away the phone

The number of articles on the internet telling us to put away our phones and look around us/talk to people, is insane. Quite honestly I think I'm pretty good with my phone, I recognise it has its uses but I also really like real-life people. Putting my phone out of sight isn't about being able to pay attention to anything else, it's about not being disturbed when I'm by myself and I just want some space. It's about just focusing on relaxing myself and not dealing with anyone else for a hour or so.

I hope you enjoyed this list and found it useful, we all have bad days and I've found the best way to deal with them is to embrace them to give some time to yourself rather than stress yourself out trying to be perpetually positive.

xx

Weekly Digest

EXCITEMENT

This week I can also make the very exciting announcement that I will be a contributor for The Daily Touch ! Regular readers will know that I already contribute to Student Noodles and the Endsleigh Student Hub so I'm very excited to add another website to that list, despite the fact I'm absolutely freaking out about being able to come up with three different ideas for posts every week. That being said I know I won't get better (or anywhere at all in fact) if I don't push myself. So here goes.

So now I'll be attempting to be funny in four different places. What could go wrong? 

THIS WEEK'S OOTDS AND FACES

Kimono - H&M

T-shirt - New Look

Necklace - Next

Belt - American Apparel

Jeans - ASOS

Maybelline BB Cream

Sleek Powder

Maybelline Lip Liner

Rimmel Kate Moss Lipstick

Max Factor False Effect Mascara

Blazer - ASOS

Dress - Motel @ Ark

OTHER NICE THINGS

The Great British Bake Off is back! This means that the world's nicest programme graces our screens once again, the kind of programme where I love everyone involved in it; the contestants the judges, the hosts...they could make it 50 episodes long and I would love every single second. It's also perfect for when I wake up in a terrible mood like I did on Thursday morning - a cup of tea and ten people baking bread really sorted me out. Also Jo Brand's accompanying show on Friday nights is wonderful.

Also Doctor Who is back! I really lost interest after David Tenant left if I'm honest and I feel like the story lines were probably a bit complex to re-enter it at any point in the last few years, but now I'm ready to give it another chance. This is also helped by the fact that Peter Capaldi is definitely on my dream dinner party guest list.

Fianlly, I finished clearing out my room this week and the last bits to tackle were my memory boxes. I had to be ruthless because two shoe boxes and a half is too much to hang on to at age 22. Most of the stuff that stayed is Christmas and birthday cards, and reading through them made for a really lovely afternoon. I feel very lucky to have had people who could say such wonderful things about me - and especially lucky to still call those people my close friends. 

Hope everyone has had a great week! See you soon! 

xx

Since when were Birkenstocks 'ugly'? And other stories.

My only issue with Birkenstocks was that I could never find the back-strap version readily available on the high street, I'd always wanted some but a combination of impatience, frugality and a knowledge of how fickle my own shoe size could be prevented me from ever owning a pair. 

(FYI I have a similar style sandal from Topshop, similar here, back-strap and all)

So I was surprised and a little confused when they were proclaimed the 'coolest ugly shoe' of S/S 14, because um...are they really ugly? To me they're just shoes with bits cut out of the side and a lighter base (i.e. sandals). They're what sandals should look like, gladiators are fine if you're taking a day trip, but if you're doing some serious all-day every-day travel destination exploring then you need a decent pair of sandals. If you'd like a decent pair of sandals that you can also proudly wear when you get home, then Birkenstocks are a good bet for your shoe of choice. But apparently the fashion community had decided they were a statement shoe, only for the brave, a daring rebellion against sandals usually made of a thin piece of cardboard and some string.

But then the great decision-makers in fashion (whoever they are) make lots of statements like this. I feel like I've been told my whole life that wearing flat shoes with skinny jeans shouldn't be done unless you absolutely have to. Then magazines would declare one season that they'd done it, they'd worked out how to wear a flat shoe with the skinny jean without making you look like some sort of flat-footed troll; and there was much rejoicing.Then the next season would roll around and they would declare not only that skinny jeans were 'in' again but also that they absolutely must be worn with a heel. In fact, if you followed fashion too closely, you might be deceived into thinking that you should wear a heel every day, because your outfit is simply sub-standard without one.
To that I have to say only this:
Are you out of your tiny mind?
The flat shoe is not for people who fancy a more casual look every so often. The flat shoe is for people who like to be able to move their toes and don't want to spend their weekends massaging their feet back into shape only to bend them into some obscene shape again on Monday morning.

Flat shoes aren't a thing in the same way Birkenstocks aren't a thing. People that declare you can now be comfortable and stylish haven't discovered anything new. Clothes that fit and shoes that don't put your toes 180 degree angel from your knees exist, they've always existed and people have been making them look great for a while.

So either we're all really ahead of the fashion world or...they've run out of ideas so they've been reduced to making the flat shoe a revolutionary idea as if before it was akin to wearing a dead rat on your foot.

I hope you've all enjoyed this rant about shoes.
I'll be back with a Weekly Digest post in the next couple of days.

xx

Weekly Digest

There isn't a lot to report in this week's digest, mainly I've just been at the museum and starting out at my new job. The rest of the time I've spent looking for other volunteering opportunities, doing really badly in pub quizzes and writing.
My latest post on Student Noodles on how I reclaimed my childhood bedroom from clutter is here.

I've also been writing angry letters to bus companies because if there's only a bus from where I live once an hour and it doesn't turn up and my taxi fare is £12 to get to work I feel like I have a right to be angry about it. Needless to say they are refunding me so my advice would be, if you struggle with a constantly bad service, don't be scared to contact said company about it. I believe in giving the people who work in the service sector all the respect in the world, I don't believe in paying for something that doesn't work properly.

My lovely parents also bought me back a lovely Clinique skincare set from their travels abroad, so I'll be trying that out soon to let you know how it compares to my normal skincare routine.

I also got a very, very exciting notification on Friday that I'd been nominated for the Liebster Award by Amy who blogs here.
  There are some rules that go along with being nominated for the award so here goes:

1. Link back to the person(s) that nominated you for the award.

2. Write 11 facts about yourself so people can learn more about you.

3. Answer the 11 questions given by the person(s) who nominated you.

4. After completing this, nominate 11 other bloggers that have under 200 followers and then give them 11 questions of your choice.

5. Let your nominees know that they've been nominated and give them access to the link so they can find out more about the award.

11 facts

1. I'm female (I said there would be facts, I didn't say they would be interesting).
2. I'm 22.
3. In September I'll be starting an MA in Modern History at the University of Leeds.
4. Ever since I was in sixth form I wanted to be a university lecturer, this is still the plan somewhere along the way.
5. But for now the plan is to work in a museum/historical research.
6. I lived in Brussels for my third year of university doing a work placement.
7. The other three years I spent in Bath studying for a BSc in Politics and International Relations.
8. I've loved reading and writing since I was small, I really haven't changed that much in the last 22 years!
9. I currently volunteer at a museum in Leeds making crafts with children. 
10. I'm not very good at making crafts (examples available on other Weekly Digest posts. 

11 questions

1. When did you start blogging and is this your first blog? I started in September 2012 to document my year abroad, and yes, it is! 
2. What's your biggest fear? Spiders. Nothing should move like that.
3. How would you describe yourself in three words? Ambitious, friendly and loyal. 
4. Where do you see yourself in five years? This is such a difficult one. Let's see, I'll graduate in two, so maybe either still at university doing a PhD, or hopefully doing something I love. Having travelled and written plenty along the way of course! 
5. What makes you smile? At the moment, lots of things; hearing from and catching up with friends I don't see very often, meeting new people, my (very rare) days off, and my boyfriend, of course.
6. Who was your first best friend? I'm not sure if I ever had just one best friend when I was little, but my two oldest friends are Emma and Anastasia - I'm proud to be still in touch with both of them. 
7. Your three favourite songs of all time? Midnight Train to Georgia - Gladys Knight, You Only Live Once - The Strokes, and 1963 - Rachael Yamagata. 
8. What's your favourite perfume? I definitely haven't owned enough perfumes to have a favourite, but of the ones I've got on my dressing table, Flowerbomb by Viktor & Rolf is my current fave.
9. What's your pet peeve? People who don't reply to texts. Everyone knows this one. It makes me absolutely furious. 
10. Have you ever been to a concert? Yes, so many! My first being an S Club 7 one and my latest being Glastonbury if that counts as one weekend-long concert.
11. What countries have you been to and which is your favourite? Malaysia, China, Germany, Italy, Czech Republic, USA, France, Belgium, Switzerland, Austria, the Netherlands and, of course, the UK. My favourite is easily Germany, especially Berlin.

My questions

1. Why did you decide to start your blog?
2. What is your dream job? 
3. What was the last film you saw and what did you think of it? 
4. What is your favourite song at the moment? 
5. What was the last country you visited?
6. Which country do you want to visit next? 
7. Besides blogging, how else do you spend your time? 
8. What do you enjoy most about running your own blog? 
9. If you could speak any language, which one would you choose?
10. When are you at your happiest?
11. What do you want to have achieved by this time next year?

I am nominating: Amy, GabriellllleRose, LydiaLulu, Jessica, Mattie, Katie, Charlotte, Lexie, Kristen, MerylM, and Larren Emily. 

Another massive thank you to Amy for my nomination and goodbye from this Weekly Digest!

xx

Book Wish List

The one thing I promised myself whilst I was in my final year of university, was that after it was over I would start reading for pleasure again. Something I hadn't managed to do since I was in Brussels. 

I actually promised myself two things; the second one was that I would never think about the UN again. That one was just a stressed promise though, I've already thought about the UN numerous times actually, because that's how I choose to enjoy myself.

So this is a wish list post of all the books I want to read, hopefully within the next year. 

Shenzhen: A Travelogue from China - Guy Delisle

Burma Chronicles - Guy Delisle

Jerusalem: Chronicles from the Holy City - Guy Delisle

Footnotes in Gaza - Joe Sacco

The Great War - Joe Sacco

Safe Area Goradze - Joe Sacco 

The Fixer: A Story from Sarajevo - Joe Sacco

Palestine - Joe Sacco

The books in the first section are graphic novels from two travelling journalists/cartoonists who document their travels in graphic novel form. They're part of my new found love affair with graphic novels which also feed my want to buy physical books because I can justify not buying them on my Kindle. However much I appreciate it as a space saver, illustrations deserve to be on paper.

Jane Eyre - Charlotte Bronte 

Of Mice and Men - John Steinbeck

To Kill a Mockingbird - Harper Lee 

These three are the books everyone else seemed to do at school and I've probably just pretended to have read because I've seen the film/TV adaptation or, in the case of To Kill a Mockingbird, the stage play. Basically the books that I know the entire plot to, but I still feel like I should read so I can properly understand why they're considered classics (also thank you to Jenny for recommending Jane Eyre so highly when I'd convinced myself I wouldn't like it).

Slaughterhouse Five - Kurt Vonnegut 

American Psycho - Bret Easton Ellis 

Fight Club - Chuck Palahniuk

One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest - Ken Kesey

Middlemarch - George Eliot

The Color Purple - Alice Walker

The Outsider - Albert Camus & Sandra Smith 

These are books that seem to be on every '100 books to read...' list I've ever seen and, after having a quick scan of the blurbs, I've decided I might quite enjoy.

Hard Choices - Hillary Rodham Clinton

A Short History of Nearly Everything - Bill Bryson

A History of the World - Andrew Marr

Dear Leader - Jang Jin-Sung

How to be a Woman - Caitlin Moran

The Zhivago Affair - Peter Finn & Petra Couvee

The final section is non-fiction, the majority of which being history related as I look forward to my masters/worry that I don't know every event so far in history. 

Gone Girl - Gillian Flynn

The Goldfinch - Donna Tartt

These final two are because I feel like I don't read enough new literature and they've both had brilliant reviews whilst at the same time looking like exactly the sort of thing I would enjoy. 

I'll definitely do reviews on these as I read them so I'll post those either here or over on the Student Noodles site. Hope you've enjoyed my list! 

xx